Do Not Disturb

THERE IS HOPE AFTER A MASTECTOMY!

Most people don’t even KNOW that I had a mastectomy. While walking through a beach bar last weekend, there were plenty of mouth-breathing, sweaty, men who were checking out my fakies. One man in particular, who smelled like bud-light lime (vom) and failure, even gave me the old “heyyyyy yurrrr pretty whatsss yurrrrr nameeee” (he didn’t even look at my face) to which I gracefully replied by not speaking and instead tipped my floppy sun hat down and pointed out that it said “Do Not Disturb” … and kept walking. Boy bye.

But on the inside I was actually dancing and doing jazz hands in the air at the realization that I LOOK OK. I look better than OK? Fake boobs for the win!

Newsflash: most men don’t care if they’re fake… most don’t really care if you have nipples either. And if you don’t have boobs, I don’t think men are going to be too upset about that either. Because you have a vajay-jay so the rest is just an added bonus.

I’m still struggling with my scar from the mastectomy, but in a bathing suit or bra you can’t see it. I use BioCorneum silicon scar cream and frankincense oil on my scars and it’s been working pretty well! BioCorneum

I asked my plastic surgeon if I could get scar therapy/laser therapy on it and he said I should wait at least one year from now until doing that. He said in a year I probably won’t even need or want it, and that it will be expensive anyways so it may not be worth the price.

So if you’re reading this and you were recently diagnosed and you’re freaking out about having a mastectomy. Don’t be! Don’t let your boobs define you. Use this as an opportunity to get an upgrade if you want! Say FUCK YOU to cancer by coming out of this looking BETTER than you did before and blossoming into a god damn SUPERWOMAN who beat cancer and has a new pair of boobs to show for it!